i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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