omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
