Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
