I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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