We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
