everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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