Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Text me some of your sweat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
