youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
