Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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