i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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