She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
