No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
