I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
