I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
