I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
