So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize