For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
