I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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