be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's the barista slut.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
