Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
