His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
