I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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