I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
