Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
