2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
