I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
