Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
