I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
