If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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