he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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