I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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