How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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