It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
