I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
