We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All the doctor said was why
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
