How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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