You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
