U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
