I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
