I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
