on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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