So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
