omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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