I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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