i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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