Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
