See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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