thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
