meet me or not, i'm out of control
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
