I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
