I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
