the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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