me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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