I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
