I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
