Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
