I wish I could punch you in the face.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
