Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
