My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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