I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
