dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
