We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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