How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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