i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My balls are so social today.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
