I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You are the jesus of drinking
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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