I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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